My, Myself and My Pussy(s)
February 28, 2011 § 1 Comment
I’m going to be the old lonely lady that never leaves the house and orders everything from QVC and HSN. Especially cooking things. I love food and I love eating good food. I’m going to be the lady that has no one to cook for. I may be the lady that just eats alone, eats my feelings, and translates into massive tons of fat. Yep. I might just be that 400 pound lady they drag out the house with a bulldozer.
In all honesty, I don’t know what I want. I’m not a dater. At 22 years old, I can say that I’ve only been a relationship with one guy and that was 7 years ago when I was 15. It only lasted five months. I’ve crushed on people, but yes, I wasn’t officially involved with anyone in college. I focused too hard on my studies and myself to go looking for a relationship.
And I think the overarching theme to my life is that I’m scared of losing my sense of self when I get involved with someone. I’m not willing to compromise my goals and self respect for a man. The men of today seem to ask that you do this if you want to be with them. And the sad thing is, women give in. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why.
Case in point, a very good former friend of mine was in a relationship. Things were going okay until it got physically serious. After that it went down hill. It’s not my place to judge the mechanics of the relationship, people do what works for them. But she has pushed everyone away and isolated herself, so now when they break-up, she has no one. And now she’s lonely. Probably even more lonely than when she was single.
I don’t want to be that girl. And I don’t think I know myself well enough to guarantee that I won’t be that girl. I love my friends and my family. Moral ground notwithstanding, I just don’t want to let a guy come between me and my sanity. I don’t want my happiness to be contingent on whether I have a boyfriend or not.
So I think I’d happily rather be a four hundred pound cat lady, if it means that I keep my sense of self. Even if I don’t have a boyfriend to love me, I know my numerous cats will.
*Najela Cobb runs Brave New Adventure, a blog that features book reviews (she’s a reading MACHINE), writing tips and posts about being a twenty-something, super senior. Her site is currently under construction, but check out her older reviews here: http://www.bravenewadventure.blogspot.com/