“If you come any closer, I might barf on you.”

February 18, 2011 § 1 Comment

I’m trying not to hate romantic comedies, but movies like “No Strings Attached” make it so difficult.

So, I wasn’t going to write about this initially but then I thought, at the very basic level, it relates to my current situation (that I will discuss much later). I think the main problem I had with “No Strings Attached” (aside from cliches and cheesiness, I was actually expecting that) was the development of plot and characterization. I suppose it was my fault for even agreeing to waste $7.50 on this, but that’s a DEAL these days and I’m in college, I like cheap. I guess I got what I paid for. I really wanted to watch “Blue Valentine” because: Ryan Gosling obviously. But I got outvoted 2 to 1. Big WOMP. I started to reason with myself that it wouldn’t be so bad. I mean, it’s Natalie Portman (Black Swan, hello). And I do recall her being funny (“We love you, Natalie!” “I wanna f*ck you too!”) Right? So, I thought this should be alright.

But. Wow. Let’s get right into this.

Emma (Natalie) and Adam (Ashton) meet at camp where the audience first gets a glimpse (I guess) of their characters. Adam reveals to Emma that his parents are getting a divorce (White people with problems), and starts crying. So I guess that’s how we know he’s sensitive? And Emma, well, I don’t remember what she says but it wasn’t important. Flash forward a few years into the future when Emma and Adam meet again at a frat party. They vaguely remember each other but that’s enough for Emma to invite Adam to “this stupid thing” that is her FATHER’S FUNERAL. I wonder why Emma hates her dad so much, or does she?

Now, I think maybe this was supposed to be funny, supposed to have some shock value, or to reveal Emma’s character as generally indifferent about things that should be emotional experiences. I’m not quite sure how important this moment was because it was set-up so sloppily. It’s difficult for me to care about these characters if I don’t get a real sense of who they are and why they are. The only other time we get a character explanation of Emma is when her sister tells her over the phone: “You’re good at being alone.” Oh, alright. I guess that solves it.

But one morning (again, a few more years into the future), they end up having sex, completely dismantling any platonic “friendship” they may have had. I put friendship in quotes because, do they even like each other? Does Natalie Portman like anyone in this movie? She is such an ice queen that it’s unbelievable that there is any chemistry between them. So, anyway, they agree to be “Friends With Benefits” until one of them falls in love with the other. *SPOILER ALERT* One of them falls in love with the other. After Adam confesses his love for Emma, her reaction… is to start beating him up in the street? Oh, ok. HA HA!

Blah blah blah gay jokes period jokes blah blah Ludacris yawn I’m sure you know how this ends. My other gripe with this movie is the poor use of Mindy Kaling. This is a comedy, yes? I would have much rather watched an hour and a half of Mindy Kaling and my money would have been better spent, in my humble opinion. I mean, one of my friends was lovin’ it. Like, ba da ba da da, lovin’ it. So, maybe it’s just me.

Your thoughts?

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§ One Response to “If you come any closer, I might barf on you.”

  • Najela says:

    I will probably never see this movie. I for one, abhor romantic comedies. They are always predictable and cliched and the characters are just stock characters and archetypes. give me real people. give me depth of character. It sounds pretty stupid if you ask me. I don’t really get the premise either, so it doesn’t make sense to me.

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