I’ll Probably Be Featured on a Future Episode of “Hoarders”

February 14, 2011 § 1 Comment


I remember sitting on the couch with a friend watching reruns of Man vs. Food. Somehow, the conversation drifted into a discussion about how so many of our friends are pregnant and/or married. How we wanted to be mothers and wives by the time we’re in our late twenties. We realized that we needed to catch up to our peers. “Our mission this year is to find a man!” We joked.

Now our jokes are starting to seem like truths.

We’re “twenty-somethings.” We’re at that pivotal age where our dreams and aspirations are being introduced to the realities of the rest of our lives. Or maybe it’s more like our realities are drop-kicking the shit out of our dreams. And with every failed relationship, I lose a little bit of hope that I’ll have the life I want, with that support system that I yearn for. With every breakup, I dwell on what went wrong. Sometimes the reasons are clear. Sometimes I’m stumped. It hurts when you want a relationship to work out. All signs point to success (he even tells you that you’re amazing) and then suddenly, you get dumped via text message and you’re eating your weight in Hershey’s nuggets, wondering what the hell just happened.

I’m starting to realize my fate that I’m going to end up alone. And in my agonizing loneliness, I will buy a cat. Then, I’ll start taking in strays because why not? I certainly have the space. And then I’ll start leaving little bowls of milk out on my dusty porch for my furry friends, gradually collecting and collecting until OOPS, welcome to the rest of my life.

I may or may not mean that in jest.

I’ve been wrestling with the idea of this blog for some time. I keep thinking about how to tell these stories. These are my stories but these are also the stories of my peers. The breakups, the let-downs, the self-sabotage and the curveballs that life throws at us. We all go through this or we will at some point. I don’t want this to be all about my “miserable love life.” This blog is not on some Usher ish where I dramatically expose every aspect of my relationship for personal gain. Nor is this on some “What Chili Wants” ish where I compile a laundry list of unrealistic expectations I have for my future mate. This is an anti-relationship blog. Meaning, I am not a relationship “expert.” After reading a few more posts, you will find that out.

I don’t pretend to know everything. I do not follow “relationship rules” or self-help books. And I’m sorry but I have never read He’s Just Not That Into You. My only arsenal is my unyielding honesty and struggle to make sense of the world around me. If you feel the same, I encourage you to submit your own funny, witty, sad stories of what could have been…or probably shouldn’t have been. Submit posts to: nofishdeadsea@gmail.com

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§ One Response to I’ll Probably Be Featured on a Future Episode of “Hoarders”

  • Gweb says:

    Love it.
    I wish I could share some of my stories.
    Maybe someday in the future.
    That means you have to keep writing.
    (See what I did there?)

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